LAW OF QUEUE
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
LAW OF TELEPHONE
When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
LAW OF THE WORKSHOP
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
LAW OF THE ALIBI
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
BATH THEOREM
When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
LAW OF ENCOUNTERS
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
LAW OF THE RESULT
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!
LAW OF BIOMECHANICS
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
THEATRE RULE
People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.
LAW OF COFFEE
As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Some Important Laws Which Newton Forgot to State
How Men And Women Differ
* If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
* If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
* When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
* When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
* A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
* A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale
* A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S.
* The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
* A woman has the last word in any argument.
* Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
* Women love cats.
* Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
* A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
* A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
* A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
* A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
* A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post.
* A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
* Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
* Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
* Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
* A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
* What a man hears: C'MON ... blah, blah, blah
YOU AND I blah,blah, blah,blah, blah
ON THE FLOOR blah, blah,blah,
NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah,blah,
NOW
Ah Beng
One day in a language school in Australia
Teacher : "All right, now I'd like you to make a sentence using the
words GREEN, PINK and YELLOW. Who'd like to try?"
A student raised his hand. It was Kukoya from Japan.
Kukoya : "Early this morning, I looked out the window, I saw the GREEN
grass and PINK roses in the garden. I went outside and I feel the warm
YELLOW sunlight around me"
Teacher : "Not bad. Okay, who's next?"
Another student raised his hand. It was Ah Beng from Singapore.
Ah Beng: "I try! I try. Can aaah?"
Teacher : "No, no, not you"
Ah Beng: "Aaaiiyaaa... let me try lah... I can do lah... you think I'm
stup** meeh..?"
Teacher : "Okay.. go ahead"
Ah Beng: "This morning I heard the phone GREEEEEN... GREEEEEN... I
PINK up.. and I said.. YELOOOOW ????...."
==========================================================================
Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said: "My Mobile Number has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610"
==========================================================================
Ah Beng: If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng: No, I'll also stay with your sister.
==========================================================================
Ah Beng told his servant: "Go and water the plants!"
Servant: "It's already raining."
Ah Beng: "So what? Take an umbrella and go."
==========================================================================
Ah Beng: I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are studying him.
==========================================================================
Ah Beng: People consider me as a "GOD"
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng: When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD! U have come again.
==========================================================================
How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
"He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher
erases the board"
Gubrag.... *&^%!@
10 Pertanyaan Bule Yang Sulit Dijawab
Ada seorang wanita yang menikah dengan orang Prancis. Mereka kemudian tinggal di New York untuk beberapa tahun.
Suatu hari, si suami nguping pembicaraan istrinya yg lagi ngobrol dengan temen Indonesianya lewat telepon.
Usai nelfon, si Istri ditanya oleh suaminya yang bule
“What is the meaning of ‘Siih’, ‘Lhooo’, ‘Waaah’ and ‘Dooong’ ?”
Si Istri ketawa dan menjawab “Itu semua nggak ada artinya”
“Lalu kenapa dipake kalau ga ada artinya?”
Istrinya menjawab balik, “Itu penekanan ajaa”
“Ooohh…” lanjut si bule.. kemudian dia tiba tiba berkata “I love you… dong?”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
Kadang kadang, ada beberapa hal yang susah untuk dijelaskan kepada bule. Ada pertanyaan dari mereka yang entah kenapa susah untuk kita jawab.
Contoh, berikut adalah beberapa pertanyaan dari bule susah dijawab
“Why do Indonesians eat ‘Torpedo’ ??”
“What is Kualat?”
Ada survey yang berhasil mengumpulkan TOP TEN PERTANYAAN DARI BULE YANG SUSAH DIJAWAB.
10. “Why is everybody in a hurry??”
Ditanya seorang bule ketika dia liat mobil mobil pada nyalip lewat bahu jalan tol
9. “Why do you still live with ur parents?”
Ditanya seorang bule kepada seorang wanita 25 tahun. Nampaknya si bule membandingkan dengan tempat tinggalnya di Amerika
8. “Can you teach me how to say R?”
Maksudnya R-nya Indonesia. Hehehehe
7. “Why do you call me BULE?”
6. “What is Ojek in english?”
5. “Is this Kampong?”
Ditanya oleh bule yang terkejut dibawa lewat jalan tikus
4. “Why are we not moving”
Ditanya sama bule yang lagi naik angkot. Yang ditanya mau jawab ngetem tapi ga tau bahasa inggrisnya ngetem apa…
3. “Why would anyone in the world would give its son’s name booty man(budiman)?”
2.”What’s the difference between ‘Ya iyalaah’ and ‘Ya iya dooong?”
1. “What are you eating?”
Masalahnya yang ditanya lagi makan otak otak… bingung deh dia jawabnya.. masak dijawab BRAIN BRAIN?
Gimana, ada yang bisa Menjawabnya? :D :D
Copy and Paste
A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his Audience. He Said: "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!"
The audience was in silence and shock. The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"
Laughter and Applause!!!
A week later, a top manager trained by the Motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke At home. He was a bit foggy after a drink. He said loudly to His wife who was preparing dinner, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my Wife!"
The wife went; "ahhhh!" with shock and rage.
Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second Half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "...and I can't remember who she was!"
By the time the manager regained his consciousness, he was on a hospital bed nursing burns from boiling water.
Moral of the story...
Don't Copy if you can't PASTE
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Sermon by Jeffrey Rachmat
Ps Jeffrey Rachmat is the founder of Jakarta Praise Community Church. He also is the author of "The Art of Winning".
Sermon by Jose Carol
Ps Jose is a Senior Associate Pastor of Jakarta Praise Community Church. Ps Jose Carol is also a Presiden Director of True Worshippers Productions and Insight Unlimited, a company that has many inspiration to bring changes through music.
The Power of Focus
Description
In this audio message by Kong Hee, know what it takes to be successful in life; to be the head and not the tail in whatever you do. The key to success lies in the power of focus - what you focus on will determine your success. Learn the powerful truths of focus to achieve success in you life!
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Reality The Limiter of Life
Description
Is your life limited by the reality of this world? In this powerful message, Kong Hee challenges us to see beyond the realities of life and adopt a mindset of possibilities. For the Bible says, whatever a man thinks in his heart, so is he.
Kong Hee encourages us to put on the mind of Christ than to be held back by our natural circumstances. As we adopt a prosperity mindset, we begin to move into God's best for our lives.
This message will definitely challenge you to believe for more. There is no limit when you step out in faith. Stay strong and be anchored to the Lord!
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Your Word Is Your Bond
Description
Real men are lovers of truth, and truth is the character of God. Understand the importance of upholding truth in your words, because the depth of your character is measured by the integrity of your words. Learn about what it takes to be a real man, whose word is his bond.
Your Word Is Your Bond
Discovering Your Purpose
Description
Your purpose has been trying to get your attention since the day you were born...
It is the purpose of God to bring the presence of the LORD into the realm of influence that you have!
1. The Law of Purpose
2. The Law of Ability
3. The Law of Potential
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Strong Faith For Tough Times
Description
In a world filled with unprecedented turmoil and crisis, the key to overcoming all your problems remains unchanged ... Strong faith in God and His Word!
Learn to handle disappointments effectively and trust God through your most difficult times.
You can be an overcomer!
1. Strong Faith For Tough Times Part 1
2. Strong Faith For Tough Times Part 2
3. Strong Faith For Tough Times Part 3
4. Strong Faith For Tough Times Part 4
5. Strong Faith For Tough Times Part 5
6. Strong Faith For Tough Times Part 6
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Being A Possibility Thinker
Description
What's stopping you from achieving great things in life? Your biggest obstacle is not your neighbor, your rival or even the devil. It's yourself! Listen to these messages and let nothing stand in your way while you enter into the realm of possibility thinking!
1. Goal Setting For Success
2. Seven Steps To Goal Setting
3. Being A Possibility Thinker
4. Seven Principles Of Possibility Thinking
5. Walking In Truth
6. The Power Of An Apology
7. Our Attitudes Toward Problems
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